June 13, 2011

Politics Explained

a practical explanation of various forms of government. found here.
enjoy.

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Politics Explained


FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

(Original source unknown . . . this version expanded and Illuminated by Steve Jackson.)



They all sound pretty grim. (OO)

Having two cows,
And intending to keep them,

-whisper

10 comments:

Squeaks said...

haha! now that's what I call intriguing :P I like their usage of cows :P XD

Squeaks.

Faye said...

I'm not quite sure what I think of this yet...

whisper said...

Squeaks - Yes, the cows make it very... understandable. Down-to-earth. Practical. XD

Faye - how so? *wonders*

Well... come to think of it, I suppose I'm not sure what to think of it either. >_>

The Director said...

L. O. L.

The end.

Thanks for posting, whisper!

whisper said...

Thanks for reading, Director! :)

Jake said...

Fantastic list. However, they missed a one:

AMERICANISM: You have two cows. Someone sues you for them.

<_< Thank you for posting! *nods* Good luck protecting those two cows. Mine are now in my refrigerator, waiting to be made into something like hamburgers or steak. I wonder what kind of politics that is?

whisper said...

Americansism! And how true it is. The American way of handling an unhappy situation is to sue someone. Or, alternately:

AMERICANISM: You have two cows. You turn them into a lifetime's supply of hamburgers.

So... I suppose your form of politics could be considered a branch of Americanism. *nods and trots back to the porch, to sit with a shotgun guarding her cows*

-whisper

Jake said...

True, true! Perhaps a better title would be, "CONSUMERISM AMERICANISM". I could take that literally. I do like consuming cows. >_>

The real question is, what happens when you have two toothy cows? O_o

Jake said...

Aha!

http://teenagewritingrocks.blogspot.com/2011/06/politics-and-toothy-cows.html

I found out what happens when you have two toothy cows. (OO) It's not good.

whisper said...

LOL! The Great Toothy Cow Question is answered! XD An excellent, excellent post, Sir Jake. You analyzed the various forms of government with frightening astuteness.

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